Absolution and Redpemtion: Personal Demon
by GuiltyPleasuresAndDeadlySins
Summary: PART 2: Alex has finally spilt the beans to Nick, and he’s accepted it surprisingly well. How will they cope with no-one else being able to see Alex when they start falling? Or is it true that no-one can see her? 1 AU from about after GD 2 NickOC 3 enjoy
1. Prologue

And here we are. Part 2. The title incidentally comes from a Depeche Mode song which is actually 'Personal Jesus', but I figured I could adjust it for the purposes of the story…don't you agree??

Summary: Part 2: Alex has finally spilt the beans to Nick, and he's accepted it surprisingly well. How will they cope with no-one else being able to see Alex? Or is it true that no-one can see her? 1 AU from about after GD 2 NickOC 3 enjoy.

Disclaimer: Of course, I unfortunately do _not _own any recognizable character, only 'Alex' and the plot line. This is being written for fun and the enjoyment (hopefully) of others and is completely non-profit (I think that just about covers that, wouldn't you agree?? – I'm asking your opinions a lot aren't I? Don't worry, I don't expect answers!!)

Alex: coughliarcough

Me: Shut up.

* * *

Alex couldn't wait to tell him finally, because it meant she could follow him to work and be around him more. She'd started to like him more than she knew was professional of her. She knew it was highly likely that it would get her yelled at.

Eventually, the perfect opportunity presented itself. Nick had suggested they spend a quiet evening in, and he'd cook them a meal on his night off. He'd picked up supplies on the way home and was pottering around his kitchen, with Alex sat on the bench talking to her as he worked. Finally, Alex couldn't keep quiet about her secret anymore.

"Nick I have something to confess," she told him. "I'm not exactly who I say I am."

"What?" Nick asked, confused. "Then who are you?"

"Well…I am 'Alex Summers', but my full name is Alex White Summers, and I've been dead since 1692. I was killed during the witch hunts and due to my…abilities shall we say? I should've been damned. However, because of the reasons for which I used my abilities, the powers that be decided to give me five chances to redeem myself. I used up those five and managed to talk my way into a sixth. That sixth is you."

"Are you drunk?"

"You've seen everything I've drunk, and none of it was alcoholic."

"You're serious?"

"Yes. Deadly serious, this is my life. How can I prove it to you? I'll do anything within my power!"

"Put your hand through a wall then if you _are_ a ghost," Nick sounded unbelieving, and obviously wasn't expecting her to be able to.

"Not a ghost per se…" Alex corrected as she put her hand into the wall. "More like a poltergeist. I'm invisible to everyone but you, and the psychically inclined. And I can touch things if I want to, although I think I've proven that one. I've been touching things since you met me."

Nick stared at the hand sunk up to the wrist in the wall and then sat down heavily. "It's true, you're telling the truth…"

"I wouldn't lie to you Nick, I don't even think I could."

"But why me? Why did you choose me?"

"Because you need absolution and because I need redemption. Because in the end, we're going to be each other's last chance."

Nick watched her silently, not knowing what to do. Alex pulled her hand free of the wall and sat nervously on the bench, waiting for him to say something. This was always the worst bit. The waiting. Alex had never been a patient woman – something the high-ups repeatedly called her on – and hell only knew what she'd do if he told her to get out.

"So…" Nick said finally. "What did you do to get landed with me?"

"Let's get one thing straight here and now Nick," Alex leant forward. "I didn't get 'landed' with you. If it had just been 'landed' believe me, this would be a whole lot harder. There are things that are supposed to happen in lives, and things that absolutely _have _to happen. This is something that's supposed to happen in yours."

"I'm supposed to end up with a guardian angel?"

"I'm not exactly an angel…haven't quite got that high up the ranks yet."

"And I shouldn't tell you to leave right now because…?"

"If I do leave, I'm not coming back, and no-one else will do this job. If you truly want me to leave, I will. But please think about it before you say it."

"And if I let you stay?"

"If you let me stay, I'll do everything in my power to help you in any way I can."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I want to," Alex found that that wasn't the lie she was expecting it to be. She found herself truly wanting to help Nick. "Because I can."

Nick nodded to himself, then looked at her and smiled. He was still slightly freaked, but it wasn't as bad as it had been. "I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to leave."

* * *

Dats All Folks!! (Surprisingly, I haven't been watching Warner Bros cartoons, but I love that!! (Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny ROCK!!))

Please review!! Pleaseplease!!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: IMPORTANT

_A/N: IMPORTANT!! (So important it rates 3 '!'.) Anyway, when I say AU from about after GD, I do not mean that this actually occurs after that particular show, I merely mean that's the point that I'll probably start deviating from canon (although this is already deviated from canon, I mean the episodes)_

_Anyway:_

_Last time: Alex spilt the beans, Nick told her not to leave, and this is what happens next:_

* * *

A few days later, Nick watched Alex moving around the house as he was heading out towards work. She was finishing the cleaning she'd started earlier that day and was balanced on the couch arm and the windowsill, reaching up to dust the top of the bookshelf/CD-rack/DVD-rack against one wall of his lounge.

He never admit it to her (or even to himself), but he liked watching her. She was graceful, pretty, and had a good figure. The bombshell about who Alex really was had been a little bit hard to swallow. But there was something in her eyes when she'd said it. A burning desire for him to believe her, to accept her, the fact that she'd all but sworn that she would never lie to him – as far as was possible in her line of work – all this had added up to make him believe that everything she said was the truth.

"That you leaving?" Alex asked, jumping down from her perch, and turning to face him.

Nick looked blankly at the keys in his hand for a second before glancing back to Alex. "Yeah."

"Can I come with you?"

"Erm…"

"Don't feel compelled to say yes. If you don't want me to, just shoot me straight down. I'll understand, it'll have been all a little bit hard for you to accept. If you need me, just yell."

"I'll bear that in mind," he promised, smiling at her and turning to leave.

"Not, properly yell," Alex corrected herself as she followed him towards the door. "Just, think my name. I _should_ hear that. Whether or not I actually will is another question."

"You don't know for sure?"

"It's been different with every different person I've aided. Now go, have a nice night at work. See you in the morning."

As Nick left he felt comfortable, and half-wished that he could turn around and wave at her, like he would to a girlfriend, or wife…

'_Stop thinking like that Nick!' _he ordered himself silently. _'The woman's your "guardian angel". Or whatever. She's not likely to get attached to you.'_

He turned and saw Alex standing outside the closed door, leaning against the wood. She smiled and faded back into the house, eyes twinkling. He started the car and for a moment stared at the steering wheel with a stupid grin on his face. Alex made him feel like he was the only person in the world that mattered. Maybe he should tell her about…

Nick cut that line of thought off and headed for work.

* * *

Alex leant her head back against the wall, sliding down said wall to sit on the floor, knees up to chest, smiling stupidly to herself. There was something about Nick Stokes…she couldn't place it. He was warm, friendly, and every inch a Texan gentleman to her. Even now, when he was wary of her because of who she was, he was making sure she had everything she needed, and that she was comfortable. She hugged herself, rocking slightly from side to side.

"Yeah," she said aloud, knowing no-one would hear her. "He's one hell of a man."

With that, she returned to the cleaning. If there was one thing Alex had learned through the years, it was how to clean properly. She had – in some respects – become a bit of a neat freak. She couldn't _stand _dust. Possibly because dust could show up her figure in mid-air. It was something no-one had ever explained to her, that certain things could display the figure – if not the features – of one of the 'ghosts' like her. Alex didn't know how long she'd been cleaning for when she heard her name being yelled silently.

'_Nick…'_ she thought instantly, surprised that she could hear him so clearly. Closing her eyes, she started to will herself to where he was – not hard seeing as she had a vague idea that it would be the lab. She wouldn't have been able to do it if he wasn't somewhere she expected. She appeared beside him in the lab, looking around.

"Hey Nick," she grinned at him. "What do you need?"

Nick glanced at her. "Hey," he whispered, minimizing mouth movements.

"Hey to you too. That all you needed?"

"More I needed someone to run a theory through with."

"Is there somewhere private?"

"There's a cupboard at the end of the hall, hardly ever used."

"Alright, we'll go there, then you can talk it out properly with me."

She disappeared abruptly and Nick blinked at where she had been, before sauntering down the corridor, ensuring no-one was around and ducking into the storage cupboard where Alex was perched easily on top of a set of shelves.

"Get down," Nick found himself smiling despite himself.

Alex pushed herself off her perch and he automatically caught her as she dropped to the ground. She leant forward and kissed his cheek, before pulling back, blushing and smiling shyly.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "And thanks. For everything."

"No, it's me who should be saying sorry. I…"

"Nick, if you _hadn't _reacted the way you did, I'd think you were weird. You reacted naturally, like the trained scientist you are."

Nick stared at her for a few moments before nodding. He then started to run his theory past her. He figured, that seeing as she was a 'ghost', then there was not really much of a chance that she'd compromise the case in anyway, and it helped him set his mind in order. As Alex listened, she took on board what he was saying, and found a smile stretching over her lips as she realised that Nick was starting to trust her again.

* * *

_And that's it for now. Hehe._

_Next time: things start getting complicated when Alex starts hearing things - among other reasons._


	3. Chapter 2

_A/N: this is the last post until after the 11__th__ of July – on holiday yippee!!_

_Annoying voice that comes on before shows to catch you up Previously in AaR:PD – Nick finally 'accepted' that Alex wasn't natural and called on her help._

* * *

Alex stretched her back out as she stood against Nick's car at the crime scene. It had been a few weeks since they'd finally come to the understanding that Alex didn't really exist to other people and they'd also agreed that she could follow Nick around. So here she was, at the edge of the scene watching Nick work and smiling foolishly to herself. Nick would occasionally glance at the car surreptitiously and flash her a tiny, but happy grin.

After they'd gotten over the whole mess of Alex being a 'ghost' they'd settled into a comfortable routine of sorts. Nick had found that his house was neater than ever – Alex having made it her personal task to not only give him absolution, but a house that the fussiest housewife would be proud of. Alex had found that Nick was more than ready to listen on the few occasions that he'd found her raging silently at life as she knew it. The two of them still ate meals together and Nick now found himself taking Alex shopping with him where she'd tell him off when he picked up the items high in sugar. He now knew that to be Alex's most annoying habit (besides predicting when he was going to burn his toast) that she was a great believer in healthy eating.

He headed over to her, processing finished and loaded evidence and kit into the back before sliding into the driver's side while Alex took her usual seat beside him.

"What are you thinking?" she asked after a few minutes of watching him.

"Something about that scene doesn't add up," Nick admitted to her. "There just seems to be something odd about it – like a feeling that won't go away. Something nagging at me."

Alex frowned and gestured for him to continue.

"Almost like how it feels just before you appear. Sort of a tingly feeling all through my body…I don't know. I thought I could feel fear."

Nick glanced over at his companion who was staring at him.

"What?"

"I think you might be developing psychic inclinations," she told him pensively. "I know you didn't have them when I first came, and I never saw it in your timeline, but…I think it might be happening."

"What?" Nick repeated, hoping for clarification. Alex shrugged helplessly.

"The best I can describe it is that you'll probably start being able to see other 'ghosts' and hearing psychic residue at scenes. I could feel the fear you were talking about, much clearer than you could I'm sure – purely because I'm well, part of that dimension – that nagging sensation was the start of that coming into your mind."

Nick mouthed soundlessly at her and she gave another helpless little shrug.

"Can't say anything more about it, sorry. I don't really understand psychic inclination anyway."

They'd pulled up at the lab by that point and Nick sat for a moment, hands on the steering wheel before Alex prodded his shoulder.

As they climbed out Alex froze, hearing a voice she hadn't heard in years.

'_It won't work you know,' _the voice whispered around her, inside her head, she couldn't block it out. _'You'll fail again. You can't succeed, you'll screw up, just like you have before.'_

Alex could hear the voice laughing at her, taunting her. She closed her eyes and willed it to stop.

'_You're not alone. We're always watching, we always will be. You'll slip up, and when you do, we'll be there to carry you down to hell. Or maybe…maybe it'll happen sooner than you think. We're always there remember that Alexandria White-Summers. We are _always _watching you.'_1

And just like that it was gone. She straightened and glanced around the crime lab car park, assuring herself that the owner of the voice wasn't anywhere near by. They could watch all they wanted to. This time she wouldn't screw up – she promised herself that. That was when Alex noticed Nick glancing at her as he unloaded his car. She flashed him a big, toothy, and false grin. It obviously didn't placate him, but he let it slide.

As per usual, Alex took her usual place around the lab, sat on benches, on chairs (making them spin round for the fun of people's reactions) and wherever she was comfortable. Nick got forever frustrated at her doing things that made other people stare at him – knock over stuff he wasn't using, spin chairs around when he was near to them etcetera, etcetera, etcetera2. He could tell however that something was bothering her. She kept looking around herself, as though making sure that something wasn't creeping up behind her – she was acting (in Nick's opinion) like the character that was just about to get horribly slaughtered in a horror movie.

He looked around himself to ensure that there was no-one near by before looking back to her. She was doing it again.

"You do realise that it is highly unlikely that the monster-stroke-psychotic-mass-murderer from the horror films will be sneaking up behind you right now don't you?" he commented, making her jump and look at him with wide, shocked eyes.

"What makes you say that?" Alex asked, completely confused. "I'm fine."

"You've been looking around yourself like you expect something to jump out at you since you froze up in the car park."

"It's nothing, just a…just a feeling."

"Aye right."3

"Maybe a little bit more than just a feeling, but seriously, I'm fine. I just need a little time to stop feeling so jumpy, if I'm still acting like a character about to be killed in a horror movie by the time we get home you can call me on it then. But now really isn't the time."

Nick scowled at her and turned his attention back to the evidence. He could feel Alex wincing behind him as he thumped his way around the lab.

"I think I'll go home early," she commented at him suddenly. "You're annoyed at me, I'm too jumpy to be much use and I'm quite honestly exhausted." She kissed his cheek, just like she always did when she left, or arrived, or in the mornings/evenings when they got up. "See you when you get home."

"See you Al," Nick replied vaguely and 'felt' her disappear. Greg walked in suddenly.

"Hey Nicky," he waved slightly. "Question, where did the girl that was in here just go?"

"Girl?" Nick's heart almost stopped. How could Greg possibly see Alex? Unless he was one of the psychically inclined. "What girl?"

"Dark hair, quite pale, suddenly disappeared, or could you not see her?"

"Greg…"

"You could see her couldn't you? Do you know who she is?"

"Greggo I'm confused. You lost me at the sharp turn left somewhere in there."

"The woman, dark haired, was talking to you, you replied. Do you know what she is?"

* * *

_1: Clichéd I know, but it sounded damn good in my own head._

_2: Credit, where credit is due, those three little words (well, one word, repeated three times) comes from The King and I (I love that film)_

_3: Probably not a very American phrase (or is it? Someone let me know) but I say it all the time and it fits._

_That's all folks!! (Or at least I think that's all, if you spot any more numbers give me a shout and I'll correct the stuff!!) Hope you enjoyed! There's a little bluey purple 'Go' button down in the left hand corner of your screen next to 'Submit Review'. Please, take five seconds of your time and review!_

_Next time (when I write it/get back from Turkey): can Greg really see Alex? Or is he hallucinating? Who is Alex to Greg if he can? Why is he calling her a 'what' instead of a 'who'? And do you even care about the answer to these questions? If you do, tune in next time for instalment three (if you count the prologue) of AaR: PD!!_

_(That's Absolution and Redemption: Personal Demon for those of you who aren't the best with acronyms, or at least figuring out exactly what they mean/stand for – I know a few. And for those of you wondering AaR: PD is how I refer to it.) _


	4. Chapter 3

_I'm back! I have been for a while, but hey, took me a while to write this so…Anyways, this is part ¾ of this fic and here it is (can't be bothered with flashback thingy…)_

_But, just so you know, italics in the main bit flashbacks._

* * *

"Hey Nick," Alex smiled over her shoulder before going back to preparing what would pass as dinner for the two of them.

Nick didn't respond, just staring at her. Alex realised he wasn't responding and turned to face him.

"Is everything alright?"

Nick tried to figure out how to phrase what he was about to ask as his mind drifted back to his and Greg's conversations.

"_Do you know what she is?" Greg demanded._

_Nick was completely confused. "Greg, please explain what you're talking about."_

"_That thing!"_

"_What thing?"_

"_The dark haired woman who was just here!"_

"_You sure you're feeling alright Greggo?"_

"_I'm feeling fine! It's not me who's consorting with a demon!"_

_If Nick hadn't known Alex, that was the moment he'd have been calling the psychiatrist in to do a mental eval on Greg. But he knew Alex who had done her best to explain the world she existed in to him._

"_Al isn't a demon," Nick refuted Greg's statement._

"_Oh she is," Greg pressed his conviction of that statement. "Worst kind there is. One's who know their damned and know they can't change it, but still want to drag others down with them."_

"_Alex isn't like that."_

"_How well do you know that thing? And more importantly, why are you letting her stay?"_

"_Will you stop calling her a thing! She's a person! And from what I've seen a very kind one."_

"_You obviously don't know her then. Let's see what I can tell you. Alex White-Summers, no record of when she was born, things started after her death in 1692. She started appearing again. Some used to say she heralded a death. Wherever she went there was death and destruction or so it goes. Whatever she's told you, she's not here to help you. She's damned and she knows it. She's a __demon __Nick. She doesn't want to help people, only harm them. Helping isn't in her nature."_

"_Greg, I…"_

"_You may not believe me now, but I hope for your sake you realise that I'm telling the truth sooner rather than later."_

_Nick was left to wonder what exactly Greg meant because the younger man turned and left the room._

"What are you?" Nick demanded.

Alex was taken aback by the ferocity of the question. She almost flinched back, eyes widening. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what are you? Are you a demon?"

"I suppose you could say that…" she admitted, still confused as to what this was about.

"Then he was right, you lied to me…"

"I told you I wasn't an angel, I never lied to you about what I was."

"You said you wanted to help me."

"And I do. Believe me Nick, if I didn't want to help you, I wouldn't be here right now."

"How can I believe that?"

"Nick…"

"How can I believe you?"

"Because I once told you that I wouldn't lie to you."

"And how do I know that was the truth?"

Alex stared at Nick silently before asking quietly, "Do you want me to leave?"

Nick blinked. His confused mind hadn't quite got that far when he'd been heading home.

"Because if that's what you want, I'll do it. I won't burden you with my presence if you don't want me here."

Still, Nick found himself unable to reply. Alex nodded sadly to herself.

"I see. I really, truly, honestly, just wanted to help. Sure, to begin with my intentions were selfish and self-serving, but then I got to know you Nick Stokes. And then I realised that what happened to me didn't matter so long as you gained your absolution. Goodbye."

Alex clicked her fingers and turned to walk out of Nick's life. She paused, looking back at him, blinking back tears that shouldn't have been in her eyes.

"By the way, you'll burn your toast tonight."

With that, she walked out of the wall. Nick sat down heavily at the kitchen table, staring uncomprehendingly at the pans bubbling away on the cooker. He stood up and crossed to look at the spaghetti Alex had been cooking. It was nearly ready. He strained it, and served it up – far too big a serving for one. He ate as much of it as he could before wandering through towards his bedroom – he needed sleep, he had work that evening. As he passed the room Alex had been in he glanced in.

The pang in his chest surprised him when he saw that the bed was neatly made the way he'd always kept it before she'd arrived. Nick stepped into the room and saw that the items she'd scattered around the room to make it more homely for her had disappeared. For some reason, that cut him more than he felt it should have. She'd lied to him. Betrayed him. She was nothing more than a cheat, a liar.

* * *

Nick yawned as he put in his toast. He'd been tossing and turning all day, unable to shake the look on Alex's face when he'd not told her to stay. The hurt there, the look of eternal sadness. He leant against the counter and rubbed his face wearily. Why was this hurting so much?

With a sigh he went to retrieve his toast. For a moment, he simply stared blankly at it before finally processing that it was burnt. Just like Alex had predicted. Nick smiled bitterly at the blackened bread before starting to butter it.

* * *

_Erm…yeah, I really did just do that. Please don't kill me! In fact…you can kill me, if you review (but then you wouldn't see how I end it…so please just review!!)_


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N: It took me __forever__(ish) to decide on the song to go with this chapter. In the end I decided on 'Omega' by Stone Sour after toying with idea of using Green Day's 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'. This just kinda sprang to mind as the best one for it. If you read the lyrics (underlined paragraphs) there's some bits that don't fit, but some bits do (at least in my mind), although that's never actually reflected in the chapter. So all in all, I own Alex and the idea, but everything else belongs to whoever owns CSI and whoever has the claim on Stone Sour lyrics. Another thing. Almost all the lyrics are actually spoken so I think it's more of a monologue than a song. Enjoy._What a skeletal wreck of a man this is, translucent flesh and feeble bones, the kind of temple where the whores and villains try to tempt the holistic domes, running rampant with free thought to free form the free and clear, and the matters at hand are shelled out like lint at a laundromat to sift and focus on the bigger, better, now.

* * *

Alex stared at the bar in front of her. She was leant against a wall in a rougher part of Las Vegas. Half of her wished that she could walk up to the bartender and order the strongest drink they had. Half of her knew she couldn't. The bartender wouldn't see her and she'd end up ranting at him all night about the fact that people like her never seemed to be able to get served while he served other customers and any psychically inclined people enjoyed the show. It hurt, Nick asking her to leave. Maybe not implicitly, but he'd still done it. The only reason she wasn't back in Limbo, or in hell was because he hadn't vocalised it. She couldn't face him doing that. It'd break her completely.

She noted the time. Nick would be clocking on soon. She could still watch him. Until he ordered her out of his life completely she'd stand on the edge, watching him. And she would watch him. Nothing could stop her from watching him. There was something telling her that she had to stay near him. A tiny, almost evil smirk curled her lips.

We all have a little sin that needs venting, virtues for the rending and laws and systems and stems ripped from the branches of office do you know what your post entails? Do you serve a purpose or purposely serve?

Nick drank the last of his coffee as he headed in to work. He still missed Alex. It had been a few days since he'd let her leave and he found himself regretting it more and more. She had a way of cheering him up. She was smart, funny, sweet and at the same time understood the world on a level that he'd never seen before. He guessed that was because she'd seen more of the world than him, than anyone really.

Part of him was telling him that he was being an idiot and that he knew that Alex wouldn't intentionally hurt him. The other half was telling him that he couldn't be sure. Alex hadn't exactly been completely open with him about who she was. He was so damn confused. He met Warrick in the locker room and listened curiously as his friend recounted the events that had lead up to him telling his girlfriend that he wasn't going to be going out without his piece. As they left Catherine handed them their assignments. As ever when they tossed that coin, Nick ended up on the trash run.

Wind down inside your adivistic allure, the value of a summer spent and a winter earned. For the rest of us there is always Sunday. The day of the week that reeks of rest but all we do is catch our breath so we can wade naked into the bloody pool and place our hand on the big black book, to watch the knives zigzag between our aching fingers.

Alex sat across from the crime lab, curled on a bench on the other side of the road. She knew for a fact she'd missed Nick, but she'd catch him when he came back. A figure crossed the road and sat down next to her.

"I know what you are," he stated, almost calmly, but there was a slightly scared note in his voice.

"So you're the one who lied to Nick about me," Alex made it sound as though she was stating the colour of a car, her eyes staring straight ahead, not wanting to look at the man beside her.

"I just told him what I knew."

"And what do you know?"

"That you're evil."

"There are many forms of demon Greg Sanders…"

She heard the surprised gasp, but continued.

"You need to learn which one you're looking at. I'm sure you have a job to do. If you don't mind, I'll sit here and mourn over how you ruined my death."

A vacation is a countdown, T minus your life and counting. Time to drag your tongue across the sugar cube and hope you get a taste. WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR? (WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?) SHUT UP! I could go on and on but let's move on shall we?

Nick tapped his fingers along with the song playing on the cassette tape. It was a country song about Las Vegas and he knew it almost by heart. The night promised to be a long one. Trash runs were often dull, and although Nick hated to refer to anything that might be a loss of human life as 'dull' it was the best way he'd found to describe trash runs. He'd given Warrick the coin hoping that in future it might get him better luck.

He arrived at the scene and the officer gave him the low-down. He was slightly amused to see that said officer looked slightly nauseous and allowed him to go and get some fresh air, chuckling and shaking his head. The cop didn't look like a rookie, but still had the stomach of one. A lot of the more experienced LVPD cops wouldn't even blink at the sight of a pile of entrails in the middle of an empty lot like this scene. Nick frowned slightly, the scene seemed almost contrived, still, it was his job to process it.

The last thing he remembered before complete blackness was trying to fight off an assailant.

'_Alex!'_ he yelled weakly in the vaults of his mind.

Say, you're me and I'm you and they all watch the things we do and like a smack of spite they threw me down the stairs haven't felt like this in years the great magnet of malicious magnanimous refuse, let me go and plunge me into the dead spot again. That's where you go when there's no one else around it's just you and there was never anyone to begin with now was there?

Alex straightened slightly. For a second there she was sure she'd heard Nick. But no, it couldn't have been. He wouldn't. Her mind was tricking her, making her hear what she wanted to hear. She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, staring at the lab car park where there was suddenly a lot of activity. She chewed on her lip. Maybe she was hearing him. No, she was hearing things.

'_Like you always hear things?'_

Alex's head jerked up. There was no way that that…that…_jerk_ could possibly know what she was thinking.

'_Maybe I'm just your mind, telling you what you always knew. You've screwed up, again. Why not give up now and just let it all go? Admit that you're never going to attain redemption and just let everything go.'_

For a second Alex was tempted to listen to the voice, but something stopped her. She couldn't do that to Nick. He might not want her around, but that didn't mean that she couldn't help him from a distance.

Sanctimonious pretentious dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse and a finger on the trigger. CLASSIFIED MY ASS THAT'S A FUCKING SECRET AND YOU KNOW IT! Government is another way to say better, than, you! It's like ice but no pick a murder charge that won't stick its like a whole other world where you can smell the food, but you can't touch the silverware. What luck! Facism you can vote for, isn't that sweet?

Greg heard it through dispatch. Nick Stokes had been abducted from a crime scene. Instantly the whole lab was on high alert, everyone struggling to find something that would help them find Nick. Greg half wondered whether that 'Alex' woman could do anything to help, then dismissed the thought out of hand. Even if Alex could help him, why would she? She was evil…wasn't she?

Maybe Alex would help him. Maybe she'd do it to try and fool everyone into thinking that she was one of the good guys. Greg knew he'd take that gamble if he asked her, but for now he was going to not ask her.

And we're all gonna die someday 'cause that's the American way and I've drunk too much and said too little when you're gaffer taped in the middle say a prayer save face get yourself together and SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING!) SHUT UP! (FUCK YOU!) FUCK YOU! 

Alex sat cross legged on the bench. She'd been moving position for the last few hours, wondering what was going on inside the lab.

'_ALEX!!'_

Alright, that time she hadn't just heard things. Nick was yelling for her. She closed her eyes and hoped she could find where he was. Nothing, absolutely nothing. She closed her eyes. Tears she shouldn't have needed to cry streamed down her face. Emotional attachment wasn't something that was supposed to happen in her job.

"Alex," the voice of Greg Sanders broke into her reverie.

"What are you doing here?" she spat, unable to keep the teary quality from her voice. "Come to gloat over what you've done some more?"

"I need your help."

"Oh that's rich, and ironic. _You _need help from the woman that _you _condemned. Just give me a moment to think this over."

"It's Nick."

That instantly sobered Alex. Her eyes snapped open and she looked at the young man's face. "What?"

"He's gone missing."

"Missing?"

"He was abducted from a crime scene earlier this evening."

I'm sorry I could go on and on but its time to move on so…Remember, your a wreck an accident, forget the freak your just nature, keep the gun oiled and the temple clean, shit, snort and blaspheme let the heads cool and the engine run because in the end everything we do, is just everything we've done.

* * *

_And I'm done! There, I updated quickly. Sort of. Hope you all enjoy!! Please R&R!!_


	6. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hello! I'm getting good at this rapid updating lark. So here's Chapter 5 (I believe), Alex is still trying to locate Nick and Greg's getting a little more sympathetic towards her. Oh, and there's some random mush thrown in for fun. Enjoy!! (Oh and as ever, italics - flashbacks)_"Talk to me Alex," Greg ordered. Alex was curled up on a seat in the empty DNA lab, teeth attempting to chew through her lip.

* * *

"Nothing," she croaked, one hand massaging her forehead, the other a clenching and unclenching fist. Her red-rimmed, crystalline blue eyes were over-bright with the tears that were over-spilling and tracking down her cheeks. "Can't find _anything_. At all. Barely a trace that he ever existed. It's scaring me. I can normally feel…something, not exactly where they are, but a general idea. This time I _can't_! Yet at the same time he's screaming for me. Yelling at me through his mind, asking me to help him!"

"Does anything impede this…ability?"

"I don't know! Earth maybe…I've never had someone _buried alive _on me Mr Sanders!"

Greg was slightly taken aback by the ferocity of that statement. "Easy Alex."

"Sorry," Alex looked at the floor. "I'm just…it's just…I'm worried about Nick. I can't find him, and that makes me feel even worse. I mean…I'm supposed to look after him!"

"Like a guardian angel?"

"I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm no angel, I don't want to be one. Nick knew that…"

"Look, surely you can see the line of Nick's future, you know he's not going to die."

"That's where the problem lies," Alex admitted awkwardly. "Sometimes there'll be a branch in a life-line. Either one thing will happen, or another. There's a branch here. What will happen if you find him in time, what will happen if you don't find him. I can't say for sure which one's going to happen."

"What about cross-"

"Referencing? I tried, the branch is the same in all of them."

"_All_ of our lines have the same branch? How rare is that?"

"Ever tried to find a single particular ant in the Amazon rainforest?"

Greg gulped. That didn't sound too good. "So basically, you don't have a clue how to deal with this?"

"No."

"What use are you then?"

"None."

"Why are you still here? Instead of going off to hide?"

"Because I know that I'm useless here, but I might be useful in the near future. You never know what'll happen."

"Right…so you're not leaving because something you haven't foreseen might happen?"

"Yeah. I don't know if I will be able to help, but I'd rather be here with that hope than somewhere else completely helpless and not knowing if Nick's alive or dead."

A thought dawned on Greg as he saw the desperate look in Alex's eyes, and the way her hands were gesturing wildly. "You're in love with Nick aren't you?"

Posture became defensive, eyes closed over, expression blanked off. "No," Alex said – but it was clear she didn't believe what she was saying. Her shoulders slumped as Greg continued to watch her with raised eyebrows. "I shouldn't be," the girl admitted, her long hair falling over her face as her eyes once again inspected the floor. "It's not right. I shouldn't become emotionally involved. But I have. I couldn't help it."

Greg frowned. "You're not what I expected."

"Rumours rarely prove to be true Mr Sanders, least of all rumours about the supposed 'demons' that are around. Now, you better go find Nick."

"You sure I can?"

"With the team back there? Course you can. Don't leave without me."

Greg left Alex alone with her thoughts. She frowned to herself. She knew she shouldn't have fallen in love with Nick. It was never a good thing to fall in love with the person you were supposed to be helping. The thing was, as supernatural as she was, she was still _human_. In a way that she couldn't explain, couldn't even begin to comprehend. And she was in love with Nick Stokes. That was the only rational explanation for why she hadn't just give up and left already, for how strongly she felt about this one man. None of the others she'd helped had ever affected her this way, she couldn't normally keep herself detached, both emotionally and otherwise. But with Nick it was different. He was so warm, passionate and friendly, physical contact was hard to avoid with the Texan who would happily throw an arm around someone's shoulder just randomly to remind them that they were friends.

How could she have not fallen for him? She asked herself suddenly. He was smart, humorous, friendly, kind, and loving – not matter what he saw one the job, he still retained his belief that the majority of mankind were good people. Alex couldn't keep believing that, humanity had bloody killed her, and her and Nick had had the argument of whether humanity was inherently good or evil. A hard debate seeing as Alex saw in shades of grey and refused to label people one way or the other stating that the labels were far too simple for such complex beings as humans.

She could remember one such discussion clearly.

"_Oh come on Alex," Nick pushed her shoulder playfully as they sat curled up together on his couch, an old movie playing on the TV screen. "You can't judge the entire human on a few people."_

"_I'm not Nicky," Alex retorted. "I'm basing my opinion on years of seeing the world as it has evolved. Not just some random passers-by in the street. I could go out and canvas opinions if you wanted, but people might ignore me."_

"_You see, that would prove your theory that humanity is inherently evil, which it is not."_

"_No, that would prove that no-one can see me. Besides, I don't think humanity is inherently evil. I don't think that humanity is truly inherently anything."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_We are what our experiences make us. There's no 'good' and 'evil' labels like some people see it. There's just shades of grey. Nothing is absolute. __**Nothing**__."_

"_You're a cynic."_

"_When you've seen as much of the world as I have, you start to give up on absolutes, and start relying on the uncertainty."_

"_You rely on uncertainty?"_

"_I rely on myself. And that in itself is relying on uncertainty. Like I've said, there's no certainties in this world. You didn't know there was another dimension out there until you met me – and that science could prove everything. Science can't prove me because I don't exist. Run my DNA and you'll crash your computers. Certainty is something that only exists on the mortal plain, and even then it's an illusion."_

"_I feel so much better about my life now."_

_Alex laughed. "I'm sorry, you brought it up, and I get very passionate about people being deceived. I don't like it."_

"_You don't like a lot of things. But this is the first time you've completely slaughter one of my beliefs."_

"_Do you want me to destroy your idea of a benevolent forgiving god, heaven, hell and all that goes with it?"_

"_No thanks. Don't want to know if it crushes everything I know."_

Alex laughed as she continued to cry. She loved Nick's nights off when the two of them would curl up on the couch and watch the first thing that Nick picked up. She knew for a fact that if she lost him…she chuckled bitterly. She couldn't die if she lost him, but half of her damn well wished that she could.

* * *

Nick closed his eyes. He knew his team would come get him, but time was running out and part of him just wanted to take the gun and blow his own brains out. The other half said he couldn't. He had to believe that his team would come and get him. He had to find Alex, had to apologize to her. He couldn't lose her after everything she'd done. He had a feeling that she was at the lab right now, probably wondering what was going on, where he was. He'd tried yelling for her, but she hadn't responded. Had him letting her go messed up her…death? Was she ignoring him on purpose?

Tears leaked down Nick's face as he came to a realization. He didn't want to lose Alex. He _loved_ her for crying out loud. He hoped his team would find him soon so he could tell her face to face. He looked at the tape recorder. He would leave everyone a message – and say what he needed to say to Alex, Greg could always relay the message if she didn't hear it herself. Although…Greg seemed to hate Alex, so would he? Surely he wouldn't be that heartless…would he?

* * *

_There we go. All done!! Hope you enjoyed!!_


	7. Chapter 6

Greg caught Alex's eyes across the hall and she came running to the room where everyone was gathered

_Another chap. Can't talk long. Gotta disappear. Just quickly posting. Please review!!_

Greg caught Alex's eyes across the hall and she came running to the room where everyone was gathered. Sara tapped her finger on the map.

"He's there," she announced.

"You've found him?" Alex wasn't asking. She knew that only Greg could hear her, but had to ask. The sharp jerk of his head told her that she was right. She scanned the map to fix the location in her mind, glanced at Greg, mouthed 'good bye', closed her eyes and willed herself to Nick's location.

She found herself in the middle of a nursery with no idea where she needed to be within it. She looked around, casting around silently for Nick. He'd stopped calling her name some time ago so she didn't even have that to follow anymore. She couldn't find anything, even a general sense of where he was, wasn't apparent. Alex couldn't feel him. She had to find him. He couldn't die on her. Not yet. Certainly not now.

"NICK!!" she screamed in the vague hope that he'd hear her. Struggling to contain her panic she looked around. _'Come on Alex,' _she thought to herself. _'Think about this logically. Fresh turned earth, an air-supply. Look around… Bugger, nursery, lots of fresh turned earth. Come on, logical thinking, stay calm. The others will be here soon. They'll get Nick out.'_

When they finally arrived, Alex was on the verge of a mental breakdown, panicking, unable to locate Nick and terrified that she was about to lose him. Greg did his best to reassure her with his eyes, but it wasn't really working. She looked like she'd burst at any second. Tears were streaming down her face, eyes red and puffy, hair a complete and utter mess from the many times that she'd run her fingers through it, clothes dishevelled.

"We've almost got him Alex," Greg whispered to her.

"What if we're too late?" Alex sobbed. "What if we didn't make it in time?"

"We will have. You gotta believe that!"

Suddenly they were interrupted by Catherine exclaiming that she'd found him. They raced over and Alex could feel her heart trying to hammer its way out of her chest. She reached one of the pipes sticking up from the ground.

"Nicky," she almost whispered into it. "Stay strong. I'm right here. I'm waiting for you to come back to me."

The boys dug in with shovels and Alex stood on the edge waiting for them to be finished. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't stop them, not knowing that she could have stopped this from happening. Her hands covered her mouth and Greg could see her distress plainly painted on her face, along with guilt. Then Warrick uncovered the Perspex coffin to see Nick putting the gun under his chin. Alex almost fell forward, staring Nick in the eye mumbling.

"Listen to him," she whispered. "Listen. He's trying to help. Don't you dare kill yourself. Not after everything these guys have done to get you out of there."

Nick listened, although whether to Alex or Warrick was left to Greg's guess. As they struggled to kill the ants crawling over Nick, Alex stayed right where she was, keeping up a soothing litany of words. She was almost trying to sink through the Perspex lid but couldn't. Just before Warrick could pull Nick out, everything stopped and went into panic mode again as it was explained that the bottom of the box was rigged with pressure sensitive explosives.

Greg saw Alex's eyes slide closed and knew she'd completely lost hope. But she didn't know Gil Grissom. As ever his boss figured something out. Alex was crouched at the edge, willing Nick to listen to Grissom with her eyes and soft spoken voice.

Eventually they had Nick out. It was clear that all Alex wanted to do was go and hug Nick, but she couldn't, because in his semi-delirious state, he'd probably try to hug her back. So she settled for clinging to Greg and crying into his shoulder. Greg had to force himself not to cradle the distraught woman. He'd been wrong. He could admit that now. There was no way that an evil spirit could be this good an actor, put themselves through this much without truly meaning what they said and felt.

"Greg, head to the hospital," Grissom ordered. "There's nothing you can do here. The day shift will process it."

"Thanks Gris," Greg nodded, was that really his voice? It sounded hoarse, as though he'd been crying as well. He headed for his Denali, a morose Alex trailing him. She climbed into the passenger seat as Greg started the engine.

"I'm sorry," he told her gently. "I misjudged who you were. I truly am sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to change what's done," Alex mumbled. "You just did what you thought was right to protect you friend. In your place, I'd have done the same."

"I'm a scientist. I'm supposed to look at all the facts before I make snap judgements. I didn't do that. I made an assumption. A bad one."

"Everyone makes snap judgements. It's being human. Don't worry about it."

"But I do. You're trying to help Nick and I was too dumb to see it."

"Hearsay's a powerful tool. One I've used and had used against me. You weren't too dumb, you were acting on what you know."

Greg could hear her choking up again and let the subject drop as they reached the hospital. Racing inside they saw Warrick leant against a wall.

"How is he?" both demanded in the same instant.

"He'll live Greggo," Warrick replied wearily. "They're keeping him in overnight to rehydrate him, but he's fine. Comparatively."

"Can we see him?" Alex wanted to know and Greg echoed her question to Warrick who nodded.

"Go see him Greg."

Greg stopped himself from asking if Warrick had been to see Nick yet, he knew the answer was no. So instead, he followed Alex down the corridor and to Nick's room. There was a nurse in, checking over the IV line. She turned to them and smiled.

"He's a little drowsy," she told Greg as Alex went straight over to Nick's side completely ignored. "But he's conscious. I'll leave you in peace."

"Thank you," Greg nodded as the nurse left.

"Oh Nicky," Alex murmured. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Alex?" Nick croaked.

"Right here."

"You came back?"

"Course I did. Couldn't leave you on your own could I?"

"Glad. Didn't want you to go."

"I didn't want to either."

Greg couldn't help but feel even guiltier about tearing those two apart. He could see clearly now how in love they were. The way Alex was gently caressing Nick's face and how their hands lay, fingers entwined on the crisp white hospital issue sheets.

He watched her caressing her charge's face and smirked. She was going soft. The old Alex would never have fallen for anyone. She was compassionate, but not one to get emotionally attached. Alex was going to fail. He wanted her to know what it felt like to be completely and utterly helpless about her fate.

A sound that was almost a cackle escaped his lips. He saw Alex sit up and look around. The smirk on his lips grew and his eyes glittered with sinister pleasure. This new Alex was jumpier than the old model as well. Never mind, that just made thins more fun.

Nick felt Alex move and watched her look around nervously. He squeezed her hand. "What wrong Al?" he rasped.

Alex looked down at him, her eyes slightly spooked. "It's nothing…" she stated hesitantly, voice not sounding too sure. "Just a feeling."

_WTH was with that ending? I do __**not**__ know where that came from! Honest! Please review!_


	8. Chapter 7

_A/N: hello! Yikes, two updates relatively quickly...Yeesh. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I don't think there's anything I really need to say other than...enjoy!!_

* * *

"Alex?" Nick asked softly, interrupting the girl in question's thoughts.

Alex looked across at him from the window. It had been a three weeks since Nick had been kidnapped and found again. It had been eighteen days since he'd been let home. It had been two weeks since he finally persuaded his hovering siblings and parents to go back to their own lives. It had been a week since he'd visited his kidnapper's daughter. In that time, Alex had been there, but she hadn't really been all there. So here they were, on opposite sides of Nick's living room, Alex leant against the side of the window, looking at Nick who was stood by the door.

"What's wrong?" Nick wanted to know. He really did, there was something bothering her, he could tell. She was tense, jumpy, always searching for hidden danger. She wasn't the calm, confident, untroubled woman he'd first met.

"I don't know," Alex didn't deny that something was wrong as she would once have done. She didn't know if she could anymore. Not to Nick. "There's something. I can feel it. Like when someone's watching you, and all the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You know the feeling?"

"Yeah. Why's it got you looking over you shoulder like someone's about to jump out at you?"

"Nick, I'll be honest. I've made enemies for myself. Other spirits who haven't attained redemption. Spirits who've been sentenced to wander this earth until it's destroyed. Spirits who I can't help, but scream for help. They blame people like me when they meet us. They hate us. And we can't do a damned thing about it."

Her gaze travelled out of the window again as silence fell over them. Nick moved over and wrapped an arm around her tense shoulders. She leant into him, eyes sliding closed, unconsciously letting her arm slip around his waist, breathing in deeply. Nick, she noticed, had the scent of coffee hanging round him, coffee and somehow the scent she'd associate with a rancher.

"It's going to be alright," Nick whispered, kissing the top of her head. Alex suppressed the shiver that wanted to run down her spine. "Everything's going to be fine."

"Is it?" Alex couldn't help asking. "Nick, I don't even know why you need my help, and I can't help you if I don't know. And I have this problem of not knowing who's on my tail."

"You sure there's someone there?"

"No, but it's the only thing that can explain why I'm feeling so jumpy."

"Hey, I'm here remember, I'll look after you."

"As much as I appreciate that, I'm not entirely sure you can. Not against this baby."

'_Bugger,' _Alex thought as the 'baby' slipped off her tongue without a thought. Nick didn't seem to notice though.

"I can try," he told her. "Come on, we need to eat."

They split apart, almost hesitantly, heading for the kitchen. Alex started to look around the kitchen for ingredients. Nick watched her bemused. She knew her way around his kitchen better than he did. But then again, it wasn't really his kitchen, it was more 'their' kitchen now. She was chopping something, he couldn't tell what, so he went over and looked over her shoulder. Onion – which meant sausages and mash normally. She glanced over her shoulder at him.

"Don't hover," she ordered, seeming more like her regular self. "It bugs me. Go chop some potatoes."

"We don't have any," Nick said after looking.

Alex nudged a door with her foot. "In there."

"Now that's unfair. You know our kitchen better than I do."

"I'm here more often. You spend half your time at work. I spend most my time here these days."

"So do I!"

"I spend more time in the kitchen. I'm the one who can cook proper meals round here."

"I can cook!"

"Yeah, if you count salad, and toasted cheese sandwiches, and frozen pizzas, and ready-meals."

"I can! I just haven't, cause you always seem to start cooking these days."

"I guess you have a point there."

Nick pulled out the potatoes and started to chop them, watching Alex every chance he could. She seemed more at peace after their talk and her eyes no longer reflected the spooked look that had been in them for a while. She was humming to herself. Nick listened closer and recognized the tune as 'Man in Black' by Johnny Cash.

"Johnny Cash fan?" he asked her grinning.

"Hm?" Alex looked at him, confused. "What?"

"You were humming Man in Black."

"I was? I didn't realize."

"You didn't realize?"

"No, I didn't. It happens, people do things subconsciously. You're spinning the knife by the way Nick."

Nick looked down and discovered that she was right. He forced his hand to stop making the movements. "I see your point."

"And yes, I am a Johnny Cash fan. Fantastic songs, great lyrics, good music. Plus Man in Black is great for proving points."

"And which point would that be?"

"Barely anyone in this world cares as much as they say they do. Too many people die in pointless wars. And our lives should be dedicated to helping one another."

Nick tried not to show how close Alex's second comment cut to his heart. He knew what she was referring to, the lines that said:

'_Each week we lose a hundred fine young men…I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died, believin' that we all were on their side.'_

"Something wrong Nick?" Alex's voice brought him back to reality and showed him that he'd spaced. She was stood right in front of him, her eyes staring directly into his, worried for him, anxious even, and caring.

"Just thinking," Nick assured her, seeing the relief flood into her clear eyes. "You know that I don't think I would've survived the past few weeks without you."

"You would've. You have other people around you, not just me. I can only take part of the credit. The rest has to go to your family and friends. The CSI team, the friends who've called from Texas, the other friends who've called or come to see you."

"Yeah, but you're the one who's been helping with the nightmares."

"That's because I understand them in part. Being in a situation where you're helpless and absolutely terrified? I'm probably the closest thing to an expert on that subject as you can get. I was burnt to death for being a witch for crying out loud. Don't think I've had a decent night's sleep since. Not that I actually need one."

It was the first time Alex had ever disclosed to him exactly how she'd died. She'd said it had been during the witch hunts, but she'd never said that she'd been one of the accused. Although, looking back on it, he should've guessed, it seemed more likely than her dying of some other cause. As it was, she seemed a little unsettled that she'd just disclosed that piece of information.

"Sorry," she abruptly turned back to the onions and quickly tipped them into the pan. Shaking her head, and silently berating herself. She shouldn't have said that, not something Nick need to know. He didn't need to know anything about her life before she died. No-one did. But there was something about Nick that just pulled it out of her, made her say things like that. And she didn't know what it was. It was like she wanted to tell him everything she'd ever been through, everything she'd ever seen, and let him help her deal with her 'life'.

"Don't worry about it," Nick replied. "You're not alone on the knowing about being helpless Alex. That wasn't the first time I've felt completely and utterly helpless."

"Oh?"

"Look, never mind. I just…yeah."

Nick didn't know what he just inspired him to say that. But somehow, he wanted to share his problems with her. Tell her things that he'd never tell anyone else. Somehow he knew that she could help him. She had years more experience than him, hundreds of years more experience. She'd know how to help him like he couldn't help himself.

There was a knock on the door, causing both of them to glance around.

"You invite Greg for dinner?" Alex asked Nick, lifting an eyebrow. Nick turned slightly pink.

"Well yeah," he nodded. "I think it's time you two had a proper talk, probably with a mediator, and what better time to do that than over dinner?"

"Not at all. I've forgiven him."

"But he hasn't forgiven himself Al. He needs to understand that you truly don't blame him, that you can see his side of things. You need to tell him exactly what's going on in your head so that he can understand why you don't hold a grudge against him."

"Fine, go let him in before he decides to turn tail and run like I would if I had a choice."

Nick left the room hearing Alex's exasperated chuckle following him. She wasn't really angry, he knew that, she was nervous. She wanted Greg to like her and be able to look at her without feeling guilty, but it wasn't really happening particularly well. He opened the door and grabbed Greg's collar as the younger man tried to escape down the steps.

"Oh no you don't," Nick grinned. "You're not getting away that easily. Come on in. Alex is making dinner."

Greg offered a weak smile and followed Nick back inside.

* * *

_And that's all folks!!_


	9. Chapter 8

_After a few weeks self-enforced leave from posting I'm back! (At least for the hols). I meant to post this up Christmas Eve, but failed miserably with that plan...Anyways, here you go!_

* * *

Alex was smiling peaceably when Nick walked in to find her cooking, humming along to the Christmas carols she had put on the stereo.

"Bit early isn't it?"

"Not at all," Alex replied, leaning over to kiss his nose. He blinked at the strange greeting. Her eyes were alight.

"Alright, what's got you so happy?"

"It's nearly Christmas."

"I didn't know you enjoyed Christmas that much. You can't come to the works party after all – and I'm still annoyed about that."

"When is it?"

"Christmas eve."

"I'll be there."

"What's the point of you going? No-one will see you, I won't be able to hug you…"

Alex's smothered laugh interrupted him. He looked at her disgruntled and she laughed harder, no longer trying to conceal it.

"I don't see what's so funny!"

The dark haired girl in front of him offered him a shrug before straightening, still grinning broadly. "Nicky, darling, our worlds…at certain times of year, our worlds grow closer. Christmas and Halloween to name two. At that point, us spirits? Us ghosts, angels and demons? We can be seen, we can live like we exist for one or two nights a year." She reached out and touched his cheek. "Some of us spend it with the ones we love, those who've found a way into our hearts, no matter how hard we try to keep them out. I'm going. I have just one problem…"

Nick managed to get his mind, slightly in gear. "Oh?"

"I have not a _thing_ to wear."

She turned back to the cooker, humming again, hips swaying slightly as she danced along with the radio.

* * *

Christmas Eve came all too soon and Nick found himself escorting Alex into the party, his arm around her back, her leant into his side with a big grin on her lips. Greg frowned when he saw her.

"Alex…" he started quietly.

"Fool," Alex pulled his head down to kiss his cheek. "It's Christmas Eve."

"Ah…"

Catherine appeared. "Hey Nicky, who's this?"

"Cath," Nick smiled at his 'date' in his arms. "This is Alex White, an old friend from Texas. Al, this is Catherine Willows."

Alex offered her hand. "Pleasure to meet you Ms Willows."

"Please, call me Catherine," Nick's colleague smiled accepting the hand and taking an instant liking to the woman in front of her. "I'm just glad Nick's finally brought someone with him."

"I haven't been able to get up the past few Christmas'. This year I thought I'd make an exception seeing as I'm not working and neither of us is exhausted."

"What do you work as?"

Alex didn't meet a beat. "Therapist."

Catherine smiled, and then pulled Alex away to introduce her to Sara, Warrick and Grissom. Nick stared after them, seeing the way Alex had been reduced to an almost shy woman as opposed to her normally self-confident self.

"Well, they seem to like her," Greg commented.

"Yeah," Nick agreed, nodding. "How could they not?"

"I don't know. Nick…I want you to answer me honestly. How close are you to Alex?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean do you love her?"

"Greggo…"

"That's all I needed to know."

"It's not like I can do anything about it."

"You could. But you'd probably be setting yourself up for heartbreak."

"That's why I can't do anything. She probably doesn't even feel the same way."

"She came here with you didn't she?"

"That was idle curiosity. She just wanted to know what my colleagues would think of her."

"I think it was more than that," Greg disagreed, watching Alex as she glanced over at Nick from beneath her eyelashes, smiling shyly at him.

"Excuse me," Nick clapped Greg on the shoulder. "I better go rescue her."

With that the Texan swept off and pulled Alex away from the crowd she'd gathered.

"Alright guys," he interrupted the rush of questions being fired at the bewildered woman in front of him. "That's enough of the interrogation. Al doesn't need the whole third degree."

As he steered her away towards the punch bowl she sighed.

"Thanks Nicky," she whispered to him, kissing his cheek. "I don't think I could take much more of that."

It was much later as Nick and Alex stood side by side to one side of the crowded room that the dark-haired woman's eyes widened and then narrowed.

"Excuse me one moment," Alex told Nick, resting her hand on his for a moment before sweeping off to talk to a handsome young man who had just entered.

Greg joined Nick and the two of them watched intrigued as Alex and the man held a serious conversation before looking around and walking out of the lab building. For a moment Nick felt a pang of jealousy before remembering that he couldn't have Alex anyway.

"You alright Nick?" Greg asked.

"Fine," Nick shrugged.

"Bullshit."

"I know I _shouldn't_ be jealous, but I can't help it…"

"You don't have any reason to be. The handsome young man Al just went outside with? Arrived with Eckley, is actually someone very similar to her and goes by the name 'Gabriel'."

"Really?"

"Yup."

* * *

"What are you doing here Gabe?" Alex asked as she sat on the bench outside of the lab. "Do I really need checking up on?"

"It's not for you Al don't worry," Gabriel informed her. "It's actually for Conrad Eckley."

"That bastard?"

"You don't like him?"

"What can I say? Nick rubbed off on me."

"He's destined for more than just being head of the crime lab. He needs a little guidance, hence, my appearance."

"Oh…I feel a bit relieved knowing your not here to monitor my progress."

"Speaking of…how's it going?"

"Not so good. He isn't talking about whatever's bothering him yet. But…I'm working on it."

"Good, good."

Alex liked Gabriel. Against all her better judgements, she found him charming and likeable. He never put her down, and he never insulted her, just offered gentle encouragement. He was what they called 'archangels'. One of the most powerful of their kind, and not constrained by any of the laws that bound Alex – or at least, none of the stupid ones. They sat and talked for a while, discussing how they'd been since they last saw each other.

"I don't know why they haven't just admitted that you're worth redemption yet," Gabriel admitted. "You're better than most of them."

"No I'm not," Alex shook her head. "I…I think I've broken one of the cardinal rules…although, I'm not sure exactly _what_ the cardinal rules are…"

"Al…what have you done?"

"I haven't used my abilities, don't worry. I just…I'm more attached than I should be."

"You fell in love?"

"How…?"

"Alex, I've known you since you came to us. Destiny has a fate for you that no-one in any world understands. I know the signs. Every time you look at Nick, you're like a lovelorn puppy. Go grab him. Seize the day."

"Now I remember why I never asked you for advice on my love life."

"This is the first time you've had a love life to give you advice on."

"It couldn't go anywhere…"

"Like I said. No-one's sure what your fate means."

"Great, I should've known all you'd really give me was riddles."

"You know I don't really mean it."

"Yeah you do."

Gabriel laughed and pulled Alex into a one-armed hug. They sat like that for while before a voice Alex knew all too well interrupted them.

"How sweet," it drawled. "The demon and the archangel."

Both of them leapt to their feet and span around. There was no-one there.

"Wrong way."

They span again in time for Alex to catch a fist to her cheek. She was caught off balance and fell from her feet, landing in an ungraceful heap. Gabriel went to move forward, but her attacker was too fast, hauling her back up with a tight grip on her arm. For a moment, Alex was frozen, then she tore her arm out of his grip, hearing material rip and feeling blood well up from scraped skin. She backed up to beside Gabriel, heart-rate so fast she was surprised she was still standing, breathing ragged. In front of them was a lean, scarred young man, his dark eyes glinted maliciously from beneath his overlong fringe.

"I thought you were gone," Alex managed.

"Why Alex dear," he leered, smirking. "Whatever made you think I'd leave? I have _far_ too much fun tormenting you. Are you ready to pay up yet?"

"I've done nothing to harm you."

"You exist," he spat. "That harms me enough."

"Alex go back inside," Gabriel ordered. "The council should've done something about this one a long time ago."

"They like to make things difficult for me," Alex shrugged one shoulder, not moving.

"Alex, inside."

Before Alex could move, the man in front of them lunged forward, Gabriel wasn't fast enough to stop him bowling Alex to the ground again, pinning her there, a long curved dagger slashing towards her throat. The archangel was fast enough to stop it making contact with her jugular though, hauling the man backwards and throwing him in the other direction.

"Alex run!" Gabriel barked sharply. "Get back inside!"

Alex scrambled to her feet, backing away, watching Gabriel prepare to repel another assault.

"Run!"

She didn't need telling again as the man lunged her again. She bolted, heading for the crime lab just across the road. She could hear scuffling behind her, but didn't dare look back. She wasn't a fighter, she'd never learnt to defend herself. The only thought in her head – however irrational it would be to the rational Alex – was to get to Nick, he could protect her. (What he could really do against a _true_ demon was beyond her knowledge, but that fact wasn't being presented very loudly and was being quashed by all her other instincts).

* * *

The party came to a grinding halt as Alex burst into the room and fled straight to Nick's arms. For a moment people stared before they noticed the state she was in. Her top was bloodstained and blood was pouring from her neck, her cheek was red, fading to a deep purple. Nick held her out to arms length as Warrick and several other CSI's headed outside to see what had happened.

"Are you alright?" he demanded. "Alex, talk to me."

She just looked with him, her sapphire eyes wide with shock, mouth opening and closing soundlessly. She flung herself back into his arms, not giving him an answer. Nick could feel blood soaking into his shirt and knew that he needed to get her arm and neck seen to – but that might cause awkward questions.

"Al, you need to talk to me. We need to have your wounds seen to, is that alright?"

Alex nodded very vaguely into his shirt. Given the circumstances, Nick had a feeling that it would be better not to go on her word. 'Gabriel' appeared, and rested a hand on Alex's shoulder.

"Are you alright little sister?" he asked her gently. She shook her head, sobbing, hands clutching at the material beneath them.

"Is it alright to get her seen over?" Nick hissed urgently at Gabriel. "She's bleeding."

"I know. Tonight it is, but…try not to let anyone take blood samples alright?"

"Trust me," Nick nodded.

The ambulance crew arrived at that point and instantly starting fussing over Alex, pushing her into a seat and inspecting her wounds.

* * *

It seemed like hours to Alex, but she couldn't really be sure, too shocked to really notice the passage of time, before the officers said she was allowed to go home. Even in her shocked state she had known to be careful about what she said – thankful that when she did let something slip she'd been able to cover it with a vague 'what did I say? Sorry, didn't mean that…'

She'd given her statement and was waiting for Nick to come and take her home, sat dressed in a set of Cath's clothes that the older woman had in her locker. She stared listlessly at the wall ahead of her, not really registering it. Things were so messed up. Gabriel had told her that she was safe for now – but that he hadn't been able to banish her tormentor without permission of the council. He'd made his excuses to Eckley and left with threats to the council hovering over him.

Nick appeared in front of her and gently wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

"How're you doing?" he asked her carefully.

"I've been better," Alex replied truthfully. "Heck, I'm supposed to be the one helping you, not vice versa."

Nick chuckled slightly, before sweeping her up to carry her bridal style. The protest Alex put up was half-hearted as she leant her head wearily against his shoulder.

"I can walk."

"But you don't have to," Nick told her, smiling.

Alex just relaxed into Nick's hold, eyes staring at the doorways they passed through. She spotted a sprig of mistletoe hung in the doorway they were coming up to. She thought back to Gabriel's words…

"_Go grab him. Seize the day."_

As they passed under it, Alex leant up and captured Nick's lips with her own. He paused shocked before kissing her back.

"What was that for?" he asked her when they broke apart. She pointed.

"Mistletoe," she explained.

"Now is hardly the time to be paying attention to folk traditions."

"If not now, then when? I wanted to. It just took this damn attack to make me realize it…"

With that she fell silent, leaving Nick to ponder on the meaning of her words.

* * *

_And ps, i do know what it's like to be in a slightly shocky state and not really be sure what the passage of time is like._


	10. AN: Apology

Major, major apologies!

This is just a note to say that due to making myself ill with stress from my school work, I won't be updating until after the end of March. I promise that when I finally _do_ get round to updating these stories I will try and have an influx ready to clutter up all my kind watchers email boxes. Once again, I apologize for this, and hope you will be patient with me.

Zee


	11. Chapter 9

_A/N: Please ignore the fact that this is nearly six months after the last update! Please also ignore the passage of time. Mucho apologies to Mma63 and SuzSeb for having to take so long. But, exams finished, free woman until September! (Even if I need a job…)_

_Alright, this actually takes place the next evening after the last chapter, so like I said, sorry about the delay. The next chapter takes place in February, and then I'll probably be about up to date with the chapter after that. This is the one author's note you're getting so…sorry for the delay!_

* * *

Gabriel was furious. "How can you all be so blind?"

"We're not being blind Gabriel," the council leader stated quietly. "We're just considering all the facts."

"Then here is a fact to add to 'all'. I _saw_ that demon lash out at Alex! He could've destroyed everything she's worked for! He is a danger to everyone around him, humans and us alike. You _have_ to do something about him!"

The indistinct figures around him murmured amongst themselves and Gabriel felt his anger increase.

"You all claim that you're giving her a fair chance but you're not! You're setting her up to fail! Don't think I don't know what you're doing!"

"Gabriel's right," a female voice stated. "We must do something about this demon. It's not just Alex who is at risk from him. Once she has attained redemption or damnation, he will find another victim. We can't ignore this anymore."

"Why should we give her favourable treatment?" another voice, male this time, demanded.

"Not favourable, fair. There's a difference. We don't have a choice anymore. She's been set up for a fall, and still she has done her job time and again, more times than is fair to her."

Gabriel felt himself relax slightly as the debate raged on. More people joined his side, arguing that they'd banished other demons before, why couldn't they banish this one. Finally the council leader called for silence.

"My decision has been made ladies and gentlemen," he informed them calmly. "Does anyone have anything else to say?"

"I hope it's the right decision," Gabriel called up to him. Throughout the debate, there had been several threats of councillors leaving if Gabriel's request was not met. They may not like Alex, but they still had a keen sense of justice.

"I certainly hope so."

Gabriel could only hope that he would be able to tell Alex that she was safe when he went to see her. He didn't think he could face her if he had failed in this one thing. She'd never asked anything of him, and she hadn't asked him this, but he felt he had to do it.

* * *

Nick watched Alex sleep. She'd been sleeping pretty much since they got back very early that morning. She looked peaceful, although her eyes were a bit red. He was sat in the chair in his room, letting her rest. He was going to wake her up in a little while to try and get some food into her. She hadn't managed to keep anything down earlier, still too in shock for her stomach to accept it. He stood up and quietly headed for the kitchen, leaving the door open in case she needed him.

He reached the kitchen and jerked back swearing as he saw the sophisticated Gabriel sat at his kitchen table.

"Apologies," Gabriel stated calmly. "I just wanted to check on Alex."

"She's sleeping," Nick stated.

"I'm aware of that. I was hoping you would be able to tell me how she is."

"Shaken up. What happened back there? She wouldn't tell me."

"An old enemy decided to make his presence known and attack her. I've spoken to the council now. They don't have much of a choice anymore."

"A choice about what?"

"Some demons get to dangerous to leave roaming the world, we have to…dispatch of them. The council aren't so fond of Alex, but with me seeing an attack on her, they can no longer deny the danger she's in."

"But she can't be killed…can she?"

"No, but she can be seriously wounded. May I see her?"

"Of course, just give me a second to get her something to eat."

Gabriel nodded and remained sat at the table while Nick made toast. Nick watched the man out of the corner of his eyes. He seemed genuinely concerned for Alex, which was something that Nick was grateful from. The few things she had let slip he knew that most of her kind didn't like her, it was good to know she had someone on her side. And if what this man said was true, she had a powerful ally in him. Toast made, he led the way back to his own room. Gabriel's eyebrows raised as they passed the spare bedroom and Nick flushed.

"My own bed's more comfortable," he felt the need to explain his actions.

"You don't need to explain yourself to me," Gabriel dismissed the explanation with a slight grin.

Nick shook his head, still feeling his cheeks burning as he set the toast on the nightstand and rested a hand on Alex's shoulder. He was reluctant to wake her but she had to eat.

"Hey there," he whispered as she blinked up at him.

"Hey," she mumbled hoarsely. Nick helped her sit up and handed her the glass of water. She sipped at it. Then blinked as she noticed Gabriel for the first time. "Gabe…" she murmured. "What're you doing here?"

"Checking up on you Al," Gabriel replied, moving forwards as Nick handed Alex the toast.

She looked at it, and then took a small bite.

"How you doing?" he asked quietly.

"Alright I guess," Alex shrugged. "As well as can be expected."

"That's good. I have some good news. The council's agreed. They're going to do something about him. You're safe."

Alex stared at him as she processed that information. Then she nodded slightly. "Thank you."

Nick sat down beside her on the bed, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she ate. Gabriel stood watching them for a moment, then shook himself out of his reverie.

"Good night then," he nodded. "I'll leave you two in peace."

"Good night Gabe," Alex smiled as Nick inclined his head to the man. Once Gabriel was gone, Nick looked down at the woman in his arms. Her eyes looked content.

"So you're safe," Nick ruffled her hair affectionately. "You don't have to worry about that guy anymore."

"No…" Alex agreed. "I don't…that feels good, knowing that I don't have to worry about him attacking me again…"

"How many times has he attacked you?"

"Only a couple. I always managed to escape though."

"Obviously. Otherwise I doubt you'd be here."

"I would. I just might not be in quite such a good state."

"That not upsetting your stomach?" Nick gestured at the toast.

Alex shook her head, continuing to eat it, snuggling further into Nick's side. This was comfortable, it felt normal, like Alex had been there all his life. Like she'd always spent her nights, curled against him eating toast. Nick pressed a kiss to her hair, one hand stroking her it.

"I'm not a puppy," she mumbled, setting the plate back on the nightstand. "I'm a grown woman."

"Yeah, but you're also recovering from an attack by a mad demon. You'll forgive me if I like to make sure you're real."

"Of course I'm real. Now, stay there, you make a nice pillow."

Nick chuckled quietly as Alex adjusted her position, one arm wrapping around his stomach and her head laying on his chest. He kept one arm around her shoulders and rested the other across her hips, tracing idle patterns with his fingers. Her breathing evened out quickly, and Nick found himself following her into sleep.

* * *

Greg knocked impatiently on Nick's door. He'd held off on visiting Nick and Alex until New Year's Eve, despite wanting to know how Alex was. He also knew that they needed space. The door opened and Alex was stood there, looking flushed and breathing heavily.

"Is that Nick's shirt?" Greg asked her curiously as she gestured for him to come in. She looked down at it, almost confused then grinned.

"Yup," she nodded. Once inside, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"How you doing?"

"I'm doing well. Gabe told me they're banishing the demon who did this, so…life's looking pretty damned good."

Greg grinned as Nick appeared in the lounge.

"I thought someone had stolen my shirt," Nick commented, pulling Alex into a hug and kissing her forehead. "Hey Greggo."

"You two are looking good." There was a wealth of unspoken meaning behind Greg's words and Alex went bright red. "What're your New Year plans?"

"Hanging around here," Nick replied. "Watching TV and playing games. Care to join us?"

"Is there alcohol involved?" Greg asked eagerly.

"Of course," Alex nodded. "You can't have a good New Year's party without consuming copious quantities of alcohol. I should know. I've been to enough New Year's parties."

"I'll bet you have."

"I could teach you a thing or two about drinking young man!" She pressed a kiss to Nick's cheek. "I'm going to go start cooking up nibbles."

"Brilliant. Have I ever told you I love you?"

"A thousand and one times darling."

Greg chuckled as Alex headed for the kitchen. He waited until she was out of earshot before turning to Nick. "Well?"

"Well what?" the Texan asked confused.

"Well what's going on with you two?"

"I'm not sure…we're sort of taking things day by day…it's a little confusing sometimes."

"It would be. I wish you good luck Nick. Just remember – she might not always be here."

"I know Greg, I know. But I love her. I can't stop the feelings in my heart."

* * *

Alex listened to the boys conversing from just behind the kitchen door. She smiled sadly to herself. She loved Nick. But she couldn't possibly do anything about it in the way she wanted to. There would be no big white wedding for her. There would be anguish, heartbreak and pain for both of them. No matter how much she wanted to stay, she couldn't. It just wasn't allowed. Still, she had a stupid grin on her face when she went back out to them.

* * *

Later that evening, they were all lounged out around the TV, a Cluedo board between them. Greg was telling Alex off for cheating, Alex was protesting that if she didn't cheat, the other two would 'whoop her ass', and Nick was laughing at the antics of the other two.

"Oh come on," Alex grinned, restating her point again. "You two are CSIs I'm not match for you without a little…creative thinking."

"You _looked_ at those damn cards before you put them in!" Greg protested.

"I looked at _one_ of the cards!"

"Nick back me up here!"

Nick tried to get a sentence out through his laughter but failed miserably. Alex and Greg both glared at him before turning back to their futile argument. Both were stood in their opinions that they were the one in the right. Nick grinned to himself. This was a good feeling. The three of them, sat here, amicable arguments, low key atmosphere, a crappy movie on the TV, and a board game they were all enjoying. He really could get used to this.


	12. Chapter 10

Nick was looking forward to tonight. It was Valentine's Day and he had a 'date' planned with Alex. The two of them were going to spend the evening in over a nice meal, and see where it went from there. Alex was at home, doubtless fretting over what the meal should be, and making sure she looked brilliant. Nick had managed to get his shift changed and was working earlier so that he could be home in time.

Greg spotted him and shook his head. "You're grinning like a fool Nicky."

"Just having a good day is all," Nick retorted. "Is that a crime?"

"It's Valentine's Day. You _never_ have a good Valentine's Day. I _know_ you."

"Alex is making us dinner."

"Oh, like she does every other night."

"Greggo…"

Greg held his hands up in surrender. "I get it! I get it! Relax man, I'm just kidding you. Shouldn't you be heading around now?"

"Oh shit!" Nick exclaimed and headed to sign out. Greg laughed as he left.

Nick had promised not to be late, and he wasn't going to be.

Alex was waiting for him when Nick got home. She was dressed casually enough, but still looked gorgeous to him. He bent down and pressed a kiss to her lips.

"I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable," he told her. "That alright?"

"Absolutely," she replied, gently touching his face. "Dinner's almost ready babe."

"I'll be right back."

Nick hurried to slip out of his work clothes and into a casual outfit similar to Alex's. When he joined her, she was setting plates on the table. He pressed a kiss to her neck and grabbed two wine glasses and the bottle he'd picked up on his way home. He poured two glasses and sat down opposite Alex over the candle-lit table.

"To you Alex," Nick toasted. "For keeping me sane."

Alex lifted her own glass. "To you as well Nicky. For just being there."

"To us then, the strangest pair, possibly in the world at the moment."

Alex giggled, and put her head coyly on one side. "Is that what you think honey?"

"Strange, but matched."

They fell into companionable silence for a while as they ate. Then they started chatting, casual topics, Nick's day at work, Alex's day in the house, the latest episode of The Mentalist, and the pros and cons of the movie they'd watched the weekend before. It was comfortable, a sensation Nick was associating with Alex these days. He could tell her anything and she'd listen. She wouldn't judge him, she'd just listen, offer advice and comfort. She was always there when he needed her. His hand reached out and grabbed hers across the table.

"So what movie are we watching?" he asked after they were done, and she'd set the dishes in the sink.

"I thought about The Wedding Planner…" Alex started and Nick choked on his wine. "And then decided to go with Blood Diamond, seeing as neither of us particularly enjoy romance movies."

"Too many perfectly happy endings."

"Exactly, and we're both too cynical for _that_ one."

Nick laughed and pulled Alex down into the circle of his arms after she'd put the TV and DVD on. She went willingly and snuggled into his side, curling up on the couch and wrapping on arm around his stomach as always. His arms were around her waist, holding her close. They didn't really see much of the movie, more interested in each other and their lips. The lazy kisses that were dragged out during the movie were comfortable and gentle. They both _knew_ they were setting themselves up for a fall, but they really couldn't care less. They _loved_ each other, and that was all that really mattered to them at the moment.

When the film was ended, both were tired, and headed towards Nick's room. They hadn't slept apart since that fateful night when Gabriel had told Alex that she was safe from her tormentor. Despite wanting to do more, Nick found himself falling asleep with Alex, in a completely innocent embrace.

* * *

Nick woke suddenly to find Alex half sitting up beside him, leaning over him, eyes concerned.

"Are you alright?" she asked quietly, her fingers running through his short hair.

"It's just a nightmare," Nick told her quietly. He didn't know _why _he'd been dreaming of his time in Iraq, but he had been.

Alex clearly didn't believe his words and lay down, pulling his head onto her chest. Lying there, in the darkness, wrapped in Alex's arms, Nick felt safe, felt the dreams releasing their hold on him.

"It was 1991," he started suddenly, and was surprised when Alex didn't interrupt him. "My unit and I had been cut off. There was activity near where we were, and back-up was a long way from coming. After a nervous night, the back-up turned up. Along with a whole host of the opposing army. We were thrown into a hellish battle with them, from what I gathered we managed to repel them. I'd been knocked out by a shell blast shortly after the whole mess started. When I woke up, it was all over, and I was back in a base camp. That was when they told me chances were I was being discharged and they were shipping me back to America for medical treatment. My buddy…guy I grew up with in Texas. He hadn't made it. My buddy who's back _I_ should've been watching! I killed him!"

He continued his rant for sometime, crying into Alex's chest as she rocked him gently back and forth, pressing kisses to his head, holding him close. Finally his self-hating words faded into silence and all that was left were the sounds of his ragged breathing, sobs and Alex's soothing words.

"It wasn't you fault," she murmured, pressing her lips to his forehead again. "You couldn't have done anything. It wasn't something you had control over. They killed you mate, not you. You couldn't have killed him, you cared about him, he was like a brother to you. It's alright. It wasn't your fault."

She kept up the soothing litany until Nick fell asleep feeling better. The next few days were going to be rough, Alex just knew it. And when those days were over, when Nick finally listened to the words she was saying…

She could feel her heartbreak. Valentine's Day always held that bittersweet happiness and sorrow. When Nick listened to her, accepted her words, she would no longer be able to stay with him. Even the knowledge that she _hadn't_ broken the rules, that she had most likely _attained_ her redemption couldn't cheer her up. She closed her eyes refusing to let the tears come. She'd done this so many times before, but it hurt more.

'_Because you love him,'_ her mind told her. _'You don't __**want**__ to leave him.'_

* * *

The next day, things weren't awkward like Nick had expected. Alex instead showed him her support, and for the next few days, Nick went to her every time he felt the need to talk. She listened, offered soothing words, and kept insisting that there was nothing he could've done. While he knew that intellectually, accepting it on an emotional level was another thing entirely. She encouraged him to talk to other people as well, telling him that it would do him the power of good to get it all out of his system.

He had a feeling that something was about to happen. While she seemed happy, there was an inherent sadness to the way she was moving around the house, her fingers brushing over surfaces and objects, as though trying to fix them in her memory. As though she were about to leave.

One night as they were lying in bed, after another emotionally draining conversation, Nick brought it up.

"You leaving me Al?" he asked quietly.

"No," she replied gently. Her fingers brushed over his face, as though trying to memorize _that_. Her soothing motions were soon lulling him into sleep. Before he fell into oblivion, he was sure he heard her add: "At least…not yet."

* * *

It was two weeks later when it happened. He'd screwed up the courage to go and see a therapist to discuss his problems and was heading home feeling elated. He opened his door, expecting to find Alex waiting, but she wasn't.

"Alex?" he called, hoping she was just showering, cleaning or something similarly distracting. He moved through the house, searching for her, but found nothing, not even a hint that she'd ever been here. She'd left him. He sank down on the bed, head in hands, eyes closed against the tears. He opened them to stare at his hands and that was when he saw the sheet of paper on the nightstand filled with Alex's scrawling script.

_Nick,_ it read. _If you're reading this, then I have left. Know that I didn't want to, but you no longer have a need for me. You're talking to a therapist, and will have pretty much solved the feelings of guilt you have over surviving and not saving your friend. I love you dearly, and I doubtless always will, and wish there was some other way to do this, but there isn't. I have to leave, I don't have a choice. I've managed to attain my redemption…but that thought doesn't fill me with the joy it once would've. To me, that is nothing anymore, I don't want it. But I have to take it…they won't let me not. Goodbye Nick, forever yours, Alex._

Nick stared at the letter. "I love you too Alex," he whispered finally, noticing the stains of teardrops. "Please, come back to me."

* * *

"Alexandria White-Summers," the head of the council stated. "You have attained your redemption. Go in peace, and be happy."

"But I'm not!" Alex snapped angrily. "Don't you _get_ that? I'm in love with a man! With the man I was helping!"

"Nothing can happen Alexandria. You know that, you knew that. Why are you making this so difficult?"

"Wouldn't you? If you were being torn away from the woman you loved, wouldn't _you_ want the chance to spend the rest of your life with them?"

"We owe you nothing Alexandria, you owe us everything."

"That's a lie," Gabriel interrupted abruptly seeing Alex's shoulders slumped. "How about we tell her the truth about this whole thing? The truth about what we owe her? The truth about how _you_ against my better judgement played with her mind, and used her ability to help people when she had already earned her redemption a thousand times over? Face it. We owe Alex a lot."

Alex looked confused, and the council was shocked.

"What's he on about?" Alex demanded.

"Alexandria," the council leader's voice was stern, "it is none of your concern."

"I want to know. Tell me. Please!"

"Very well. But you are not going to be happy."

"You've already stolen my happiness from me, I doubt you can harm me more."

* * *

Alex was wrong, very wrong. She listened in dumb shock as the council leader told her of how they'd played with her mind, making her think she was begging for another chance time and again when really, they were using her to help more people. They'd promised her redemption if she earned it, but when she earned it, they were reluctant to give it to her, and so had chosen to do it this way instead. Finally, she just left, eyes angry, confused and upset. No-one blamed her.

"We can't give her what she wants," the woman who'd first backed Gabriel up noted. "We can't bend time and peoples' memories like that."

"Yes we can," Gabriel responded. "We've done it to her enough haven't we?"

To that, the woman had no real response.

* * *

Nick had been moping around the lab for two nights before Greg called him on it.

"What's up?" he demanded.

"Alex is gone," Nick replied quietly. "She left."

And everything made sense to Greg as Nick handed him the letter she'd written. It was crumpled, tearstained and obviously well read.

"Nick…" Greg started and then stopped, then started again. "She had to leave. If everything she told you was true, they would hold everything against her. They wouldn't let her stay with you. Unless they owe her something, and even then, she wouldn't stay with you as a ghost, doubtless they'd pull some trick with time and memories and make people think she'd always been around."

Nick nodded morosely and went back to his work.


	13. Epilogue

"We have to do this," Gabriel told his supporters and allies. "We can't let her fade into inexistence when we could do something about it."

It had been a week since the fiasco in front of the council, and Alex hadn't been the same. The radiant light she should've glowed with having attained redemption was muted and slowly fading, even now. So, they banded together, to do the one thing that was a cardinal sin to them. Not that anyone would defy this many of the council, not even the council leader (if he hadn't been sat just to Gabriel's right).

* * *

Nick's demeanour suddenly changed about a week after Alex had left. He became bright, whistling happily. Everything in the lab changed. The girls started asking Nick when 'his girl' was arriving, and Warrick teased the Texan mercilessly about having a woman move in and ruin his house – to which Nick pointed out sedately that Warrick had gone one step further and had a spur of the moment marriage. He was only dating his girl, well…engaged to her, and he'd known her for years!

The therapist was arriving in three days, and Nick couldn't have been happier.

* * *

Three days later, Nick was waiting at the airport with Catherine who'd insisted she come along. They were waiting for the passengers from Texas to get to the main area of the airport. Sure enough, after half an hour of waiting, the dark, curly haired, blue eyes therapist appeared, carrying her luggage (not a lot, but most of it was being driven up separately by the Stoke's themselves, glad that their youngest son was finally settling down).

"Nick!" she exclaimed, hurrying over to throw her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately.

"Alex," he murmured against her lips. "Have a good flight baby?"

"The best," Alex replied. "You have no idea how many cards I've received over the past few days from ex-colleagues and patients. But it doesn't matter, because I'm here, where I belong. With you."

Catherine cleared her throat before things got too lovey-dovey. "Good to see you again Alex."

"Good to see you again too Cath, I haven't seen you since New Year!"

"I know, it's been too long. Come on, I'm giving you two lovebirds a lift home, and then _I_ have to get back to the lab, some lucky sods have the day off."

"I'm hurt Cath!" Nick protested happily, not sounding at all hurt, simply following Catherine back to the car, one arm around Alex's shoulders, the other holding her suitcase.

* * *

The CSI team all greeted Alex happily, and a routine of sorts fell into place. While Alex worked most days at a local mental hospital, she still found the time to come in during the night to say hello to everyone and bring Nick something to eat. Everyone thought it was very sweet and they really adored her. Nick was happy that his CSI family has accepted his fiancé, and the two of them were making plans for their wedding.

Greg sometimes felt something strange, as though he was seeing two worlds at once, as though overlaying Alex White, was a strange, radiant, almost angelic being who was now at peace, now happy.

* * *

Gabriel smiled to himself as he watched Alex and Nick from a distance. The young couple were out at a restaurant, celebrating their anniversary. He'd done the right thing. They deserved this happiness.

THE END (for now...)

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* * *

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A/N: this ending does feel rushed to me, so I might come back and change it. But for now, you've got this and (provisionally) AaR: PD is FINISHED!! After over a year in progress…wow, over a year…that's a long time, but not as long as some of my stories!

_I hope you've enjoyed this. Thanks for taking the time to read it!_


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